Every time I hear the ol’ chestnut “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”, I cringe a little bit. Not because I think it’s untrue, mind you. But because I keep on trying to go into new things or make changes with the best of intentions, and invariably fail to follow-up (School being an exception, and even then it took KLynne to light enough of a fire under my ass to get me moving.)
Eating better? I’m good for a few days, and then I backslide. Not making the same mistakes in my classes that I did in past terms? I improve a little bit each term, but not enough. Seeing a doctor (like I talked about in my last post way back at the beginning of the year)? Tried to get appointments at both of ’em. One never returned my call (and a side note: this is one of my biggest pet peeves. I want to pay you significant amounts of money for a service. The fact that you think that I’m not worth calling back, especially for something as serious as counseling, makes me realize that you probably really don’t give a shit one way or another about any of your patients) and the other one I got a horrible, horrible vibe from. Getting that crap I need to sell posted on eBay? Hasn’t happened. Never tried finding anyone else. Stopping using lists of rhetorical questions to illustrate a point? Yeah…
I can’t accept the excuse I keep using of not having enough time. Minutes that I spend at leisure need to be reduced and productive time put in place of them.
And yet, I know that even if I say that, I’m going to keep on doing what I am now. Work, school, and then being so burned out from both of the previous that I don’t do the other stuff I need to do.
I wonder what the point of it all is sometimes.