What the HELL, Utah? Seriously?

What the HELL, Utah? Seriously?

I love my home state of Utah. I love the mountains. I love the lack of humidity. I love some of the places to hang out in Salt Lake. I love my friends. I love the Utah Jazz. I love some of the people.

What I do NOT love, however, were the liquor laws and what I REALLY don’t have any sort of love in my shriveled little heart for are the great bulk of the politicians in Utah.

I was reading the Salt Lake Tribune and saw an article that made me smile– “Private clubs on verge of extinction”.

Y’see, in Utah there are no real bars. Instead, there are private clubs– establishments that anywhere else would be a bar, but in Utah require a membership. If you don’t have a membership, you have to get a sponsorship from someone else. Generally, someone at the bar’s willing to sponsor anyone for a week-long membership… but it’s an additional cost to Utah’s already expensive (and slightly watered down) booze.

The article explains that the clubs would be done away with in favor of an ID scanner. Records would be kept on hand for a week. I’m sure it’ll be expensive for restaurants, but it’s a decent compromise.

I’m also not gonna bitch about the harsher penalties for drunk driving– I’m always in favor of harsh punishments if you’re caught driving under the influence of anything.

However… there’s one provision that is completely and totally illogical.

I shall quote…

New restaurants would need a separate area for mixing drinks, away from the view of children. Existing restaurants would be grandfathered, but might qualify for $30,000 in assistance if they chose to renovate to conceal the mixing of drinks.

What in the blue hell? I read about a stand-alone version of the bill at my good friend Kri5is’s Blog but I didn’t figure that it would get past the Senate. The bastard John Valentine basically forced it into the private club bill. One step forward, two steps back. I’m also going to echo my friend’s concern on this– having to build a separate section is going to KILL the expansion of chain restaurants in Utah… and probably a fair amount of homegrown restaurants, too.

Why is Utah’s legislature trying, yet again, to be the Morality Police? Is it going to RUIN our precious little snowflakes to see someone mixing a martini or pouring a shot? Have parents, in all of these years of NOT having a massive wall protecting us from the evil Alco-Rays, had a child see a bartender mix a Tom Collins and then seen their children come home, find the nearest hobo to buy them a fifth of Baron von Rothschild (vodka proudly distilled in OREGON… probably in a used cast-iron bathtub) and then proceed to get massively hammered? Didn’t think so.

Y’know what I’m gonna do? I’m going to go home after work. I’m going to sit down and crack open a Magic Hat #9 (“Not Quite Pale Ale”) and bask in its malty goodness. Then I’m gonna wait for KLynne to get home and ask her if she wants to go to Taco Mac, where I can get a sammich or some hot wings and enjoy one of 108 beers (and that’s just on tap) without getting hassle from the Morality Po-Po.

2 thoughts on “What the HELL, Utah? Seriously?

  1. I remember going to a grand total of one private-club during my tenure in a past relationship. I remember my group of party-goers asking the people inside how we get a membership. They discussed it briefly and one guy said: “Sure. I’ll sponsor them!” as he raised his glass. Nice people. Stupid law.

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