I had a breakdown at work today.

The people in DB conversions screwed up a database, and then when I resubmitted, I got a condescending e-mail. Mind you, this is not uncommon when coming from this person.

I was upset.  I tried hard to calm down, but couldn’t

And I yelled at my boss out of frustration. I told her that I can’t deal with his attitude. That the problem needs to be fixed. That I’m not being treated fairly.

And her boss was in earshot. I got a deathlook from him.

Best-case scenario now is that I get a writeup. Worst case scenario is termination. What will probably happen is that I’ll be demoted to a tech… someone who can “handle their temper” will move to my position.

If I’m demoted or fired… I have nothing.

Maybe I’ll move back to Vegas. Maybe I’ll move somewhere else entirely. Maybe I’ll just roll over and take it, like I have for so many others before. Maybe I’ll find work somewhere else. Maybe I’ll drink myself into a stupor, praying for the sweet release of death.

I’ve been trying so hard, but I’ve hit bottom again.

Maybe hitting bottom and never climbing back up is my destiny.

One thought on “Breakdown

  1. :(

    I just sat and looked at your post for a few minutes. I don’t really know what to type.

    Not many people can do the work you do. I being one of them. You have always been very gracious and understanding towards me when I fall behind and I appreciate it.

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