I had a breakdown at work today.
The people in DB conversions screwed up a database, and then when I resubmitted, I got a condescending e-mail. Mind you, this is not uncommon when coming from this person.
I was upset. I tried hard to calm down, but couldn’t
And I yelled at my boss out of frustration. I told her that I can’t deal with his attitude. That the problem needs to be fixed. That I’m not being treated fairly.
And her boss was in earshot. I got a deathlook from him.
Best-case scenario now is that I get a writeup. Worst case scenario is termination. What will probably happen is that I’ll be demoted to a tech… someone who can “handle their temper” will move to my position.
If I’m demoted or fired… I have nothing.
Maybe I’ll move back to Vegas. Maybe I’ll move somewhere else entirely. Maybe I’ll just roll over and take it, like I have for so many others before. Maybe I’ll find work somewhere else. Maybe I’ll drink myself into a stupor, praying for the sweet release of death.
I’ve been trying so hard, but I’ve hit bottom again.
Maybe hitting bottom and never climbing back up is my destiny.