"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." — Hunter S. Thompson

I’m really hoping that this Wordpress theme actually uses bullet points.  I’ve also noticed that I haven’t really updated anyone about MY LIFE as of late… just me bitchin’ and posting memes.

(I’m blatantly stealing from Strong Bad on this one, but that’d be a good epitaph… bitchin’ and posting memes ’till the day he died.  Buried with, like, a million dollars.  Please don’t dig up the grave.)

And now, in roughly chronologic order…

• I started seeing a new dermatologist sometime in January.  Got off of Methotrexate, so I’m not poisoning my body anymore… at least with that, since I can also drink again.  Don’t worry, though… with the exception of St. Patrick’s day, I’ve kept everything in severe moderation.
• With the new dermatologist comes new medication– a few lovely sticky ointments that I have to put on the psoriasi… uh… don’t know the proper term, so I’m gonna go with “psoriatacular”.   The psoriatacular bits.  They don’t work as well as the pills, but to be fair, I suck at remembering to slather the ointments on morning and night.  Plus they make me smell like an old man.
• I passed a year of having Max, and the little bastard is still spoiled (but at least I don’t put yogurt on his food for every meal like I used to).  He doesn’t chew stuff up nearly as much as he used to, and I love him dearly.  He and I might have had some growing pains, but I love him.  He is officially a Good Boy™.  I should’ve bought him one of those doggie cakes…
• I spent St. Patrick’s day weekend in Savannah with Kristen, her mama, and Frank.  I’m officially lame, since I drank Gin and Tonics (and did a few Jell-O shots, and had one margarita) and when I should’ve been having Guinness and Jameson’s like a good reveler.  To be fair, though, Kristen had screwdrivers and margaritas, and last time I checked Ireland’s climate didn’t support agave and citrus.
• As a result of all of this booze, Frank decided that it would be a good idea to go to Universal Studios and we all agreed, even though I figured it was drunken ranting (and yes, I documented this on my Twitter as it happened… speaking of which, KIWF readers, should I put my Twitter feed back into my sidebar?) but I was wrong.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to go (finances were tight at the time) but was convinced by Kristen to go (the phrase “you’re crushing my dreams, you lousy fun-killer” wasn’t used by her, but it sure as hell was implied).  Eight hours later, we ended up at Lowe’s Pacific Resort Hotel.
• The hotel was very nice, but the best part of it was that our room keys not only acted as tickets to both Universal parks but also as SpeedPasses– meaning we got to go through the special lines and practically walk onto most of the rides.  My favorite ride at Islands of Adventure was a tie between Hulk and the Dudley Do-Right log flume thing, I had a bad experience on Dueling Dragons, and I could’ve blown a mint on the Marvel crap they had in the Marvel gift shop.  The main studio was fun but nothing special, and we got stuck on The Mummy for half an hour-ish.  I had a great time at the park, but I’m glad that we were only there for a day and a half.
• The massive pile ‘o nachos in my Facebook picture?  Delicious.
• We started a monthly board game night with two of Kristen’s (and I hope they consider themselves to be mine, too) friends.  Add that to my bi-weekly (or so) RPG Saturdays, and that’s a lot of weekends pre-planned.  I still love board games.
• Speaking of which, we finally found a  good FLGS (friendly local game store, for those of you who aren’t huge nerds).  They’ve already got almost $200 of my cash.
• Kristen and I went to the most disappointing Chinese buffet EVER.  Most of the food looked questionable or flat-out WAS questionable (”pork intestine” is not my idea of good food) and it was overpriced.  Maybe it was supposed to be more authentic or something.  If so, I’ll gladly take my Americanized sweet-and-sour chicken and beef with broccoli any day of the week… which we did.
• I ate one of the pasta bread bowls from Domino’s… because really, if you’re eating that many carbs, why not just go whole hog?  It was surprisingly good and I might have that for lunch today.  (The part of me that did Atkins for a year and a half is weeping as I type this.  This is the same part that makes me feel one to three twinges of guilt every time I have pasta, fries, or certain breads.  Cereal?  I feel no guilt.  Weird.)
• I’ve already got an idea of what I might want to be for Halloween, but I’ve got to think of a good couple costume to go with it.
• The Rental Car thing of Doom happened.  If you read my long-ass post, you’ve already heard way too much about it.  If not, let me tell you this… avoid renting cars if you can.  If you can’t, TAKE THE SUPPLEMENTAL INSURANCE.  Lousy $2500 that I could’ve put to better use…
• I bought a fishing pole!  Kristen is teaching me the ancient and noble art of angling.  I can cast, but I’ll be damned if I can tie my own lines yet.  I’ve also officially caught ZERO fish (I’ve decided that the 18″ rainbow trout that I got when I was 14 didn’t count, since I really didn’t catch it… there was a tug on the pole I was using and my uncle rushed in and did the bulk of the work).
• Saw Star Trek.  AMAZING!
• Kristen and I went to Great Smoky Mountain National Park for a long weekend.  We camped in the park on the North Carolina side (man, it’s weird for the Utah boy to be typing this), found that I can’t start a campfire with only kindling (but our maps worked), had almost zero success fishing on the Cherokee reservation, hiked to two different waterfalls, drove to the Pigeon Forge / Gaitlinburg / Sevierville part of Tennessee, stayed at a great hotel and ate at a good buffet, played 36 holes of miniature golf, saw an amazing sunset from an observation point in the mountains, drove through the middle of the park while it was getting dark (never want to do THAT again), and paid $40 in reparations to the Cherokee for what past generations of Americans did to them (AKA lost the cash too damn fast at the casino… bastards).  It was a good vacation.
• Speaking of that, seeing the Cherokee alphabet on all of the signs in the reservation was weird.  Oh, and the best business we saw there?  “Tribal Grounds Coffee.”

So… yeah.  That’s what’s new.  What’s new with you guys?

Now that I have everything taken care of, I’m going to tell you a little story that has a very important lesson at the end of it.

As many of you know, I lived with my grandfather in American Fork, Utah before I moved to the stifling humidity of Georgia. In January, he passed away. Kristen and I flew to Utah for the funeral. I made sure not to post much about it because my blog is too full of depressing crap as it is, but there was one particular incident from that trip that came back to haunt me.

I rented a car from Alamo. I got the usual spiel about supplemental insurance and opted to turn it down, because I figured “Hey, my car insurance covers whatever vehicle I’m driving. I’m fiiiiine.” and was given the keys to an ‘09 Chevy Cobalt. The little car served well. Kristen and I were on our way to Provo to meet up with some friends of mine (Kaeldragor and Your_Dryad) and stopped at the light at the intersection of State Street and the street that has American Fork hospital on it– it borders American Fork and Pleasant Grove. You know the one, Utah people. Then I saw an SUV (a white ‘98 Ford Explorer) coming toward us… and not stopping. We were hit at between 35-45 MPH… hard enough that both Kristen’s and my seat unlatched and reclined all the way back.

We navigated our beaten car to the side of the road and met the driver of the other vehicle– a 17-year old girl and her little brother who were on their way back home from Wendy’s after a Frosty run. She didn’t have her license or proof of insurance, but was able to call her mother and get both of those pieces of information. We also the police (my first 911 call, since it was a Sunday and no one was answering the normal number for the AFPD). She immediately agreed that the accident was her fault and was cited. We traded insurance information (I didn’t have my card on me but the officer allowed me to grab my insurance number from the web) and I limped to Macey’s where I was told by Alamo to drag the wounded car back to Salt Lake to trade it out.

We made it to the airport and traded cars, where I was told that there waas nothing to worry about. (I also left our key to the house we were staying in on the keyring which meant a trip BACK to the airport the next day, but that’s irrelevant.) We got our new Cobalt and the rest of the trip went on without a hitch.

Now let’s look forward to April 16th. I got a letter from PurCo Fleet Services, a company that handles claims and collections for rental car places. This letter said that they had already contacted me once (a lie, and PurCo couldn’t prove that), that my insurance (blank) had been contacted, and that I still owed them $3,987.70 in loss of use, administrative fees, and “diminution of value” and that the rental terms clearly stated that “regardless of fault” I would pay PurCo this amount.

Finding out that you owe nearly $4000 dollars that you don’t have and really shouldn’t have to pay (IMO) is going to ruin your day, and to make matters worse thinking of the accident made me think of Grandpa’s passing and funeral. Having both things hanging over my head was like being in my own special emotional hell, and I will admit to semi-frequently switching moods between soul-crushing depression (with bonus crying jags) and the burning rage of a thousand angry Spartans. I decided I wasn’t going to take this lying down.

I called PurCo the next day and the person assigned to my case agreed to send me some documentation regarding the claim and accident. They said that the driver’s insurance had paid out on the claim but definitely did NOT cover the diminution of value and told me that the terms of rental said that I owe everything. I was e-mailed documentation including the rental terms, an estimate sheet showing the diminution of value ($3500-ish of the total amount), the repair bill (totalling $4200-ish), the police report, and copies of the documents I signed when I rented the car.

Diminution of value, I found out, is the loss of value from a vehicle after an accident due to intangibles like possible structural damage. It’s a bullshit made-up number that rental car agencies (and some people) can attempt to claim from you… and they don’t have to prove a thing to you to claim it if you’re a rental agency. If you’re a consumer, it takes an act of Congress for you to attempt to claim it against someone else’s insurance. The estimate sheet was a complete farce– the base value of the vehicle (which had 400-ish miles on it) was listed at $17,600 when the NADA and Blue Book on a new ‘09 Cobalt with the exact same options is more along the $15000-$16000 range. I was told that I needed to contact Alamo to find out how they calculate DoV (as I’m calling it from here on out) . I was also refused a fleet utilization log saying whether or not there was any loss of use and told that “even if the vehicle isn’t used there are things that aren’t logged such as possible marketing done with the vehicle, employee perks, and other things of that nature”. Again, total bullshit but they have me by the cojones because I signed off on the rental form. Without that, though, my credit card rental protection wouldn’t protect me. (I later found that Visa DOES cover without a utilization log. Too bad my Visa was full and it had to go on MasterCard).

I looked at the documents that I was mailed and particularly at the terms of rental. I saw that the agreement stated that “I agree to pay for all damage to or loss of the vehicle, including loss of use and administrative fees.” Notice something missing? DoV. They claimed that DoV was covered by the “damage to” in the rental agreement but I didn’t agree, since it isn’t damage (it’s potential loss from damage) and isn’t listed explicitly. Alamo also refused to tell me how they determined DoV. Kristen and I did unimaginable amounts of research and found that this is standard operating procedure for almost all rental agencies, but that DoV is generally “20-30% of the repair cost”, and found the section of Utah Code that says that the party at fault is responsible for all charges. I contacted two lawyers to see if I had a case because I wanted to fight this to the bitter end.

Then Kristen noticed that the agreement also stated that “I waive my right to a trial by jury” and that if there was a lawsuit that I would pay for “all resonable legal fees” of theirs and all court costs. The sneaky fuckers put that in there because they KNOW that a jury wouldn’t side with them to save their filthy lives. To further remove the possibility of a lawsuit, both lawyers I contacted said that I really didn’t have a case against Alamo and that the costs would almost definitely outweigh any monetary gain from a verdict in my favor (although they could give me a full consulation). Both did suggest, however, that I might have a case against the driver and her mother.

Beaten and bitter, I called PurCo again and talked with them seeking more information about the DoV. The person assigned to my case told me that they would be willing to work with me on the DoV and asked what I thought was fair. I said that I’d be willing to pay $2000 in DoV (at this point, I just wanted things over because the emotional crap I was going through was draining and my actions were taking their toll on Kristen, too) and they said they could do that for me. They said that I had to pay by the end of the month, otherwise I’d be on the hook for the entire amount (which they could take payments on). Glad to see some resolution (even if it isn’t the one I wanted) gave me some hope.

That was quickly gone when loans that I would’ve had no trouble getting a few months ago were being denied because of my unsecured debt ratio (thanks to me needing new tires and the cheapest set running me $600) and that I needed “a strong co-signer.” I tried getting a smaller loan through Citi Financial but was turned down and insulted because I had the GALL to apply for a loan without having my car paid off and have the title to it. Assholes. I was panicking as all of my possible monetary sources were dry, and I didn’t have time to liquefy what meager assets I have (my TV and PC being the big ones) to try to get the scratch. I was able to get things taken care of by talking to my credit union again, trying for $500 less than I owed (since I was able to talk to someone who was able to loan me that much), and taking the loan at a shorter term (one year instead of two). Now I’ve got another $200 a month that I get to pay. Glee. I also found the original documentation about the accident and found a different rental agreement that I had signed to (NOT the one that PurCo sent me) that clearly states that I AM liable for DoV.

I’m glad that this whole nightmare is over. I still feel as though a) charges for diminution of value and loss of use without proof of financial impact are bullshit and Alamo now ranks third on my list of the lowest scum of the earth, b) even with all of this I’m still bitter that I have to pay the amount when I wasn’t at fault, c) that as bitter as I am at PurCo they are technically the messenger and aren’t the ones who wrote the Rental Agreement that I signed, plus I’m glad that they were willing to work with me on the DoV, and d) that I’m not going to be continually reminded of the fact that Grandpa is gone or have to scramble to find the money. I didn’t have any idea that contracts are strong enough to circumvent the law. I hate to be “That Guy”, but I’m going to go through anything that I’m asked to sign with a fine-toothed comb if need be.

So the moral of the story? NEVER RENT A CAR UNLESS YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO. IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS, YOU’LL GET SCREWED… unless you get the supplemental insurance, and even then that might not cover you all the way. I think that I’m gonna make sure that wherever I go that I don’t drive to has a good public transportation system (or that I’ve got a friend there willing to let me drive one of their cars)… and if I’m forced to rent something, I’m signing the supplemental insurance.

Here’s a tip to all of the counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers who deal with patients that have anger issues (like m’self… there’s a reason why Anger/Rage/Fury is the biggest tag in my cloud) DO NOT TELL THEM THAT THEY HAVE AN APPOINTMENT AT ONE O’CLOCK AND THEN FAIL TO COME OUT OF YOUR OFFICE FOR HALF AN HOUR.

I’m back at work now, angry that I have wasted an hour between the drive there and back and half an hour in the waiting room… and this isn’t the first time that this has happened.

WHY DO ALL OF THE DOCTORS HERE THINK THAT YOUR TIME IS WORTHLESS? Out of the doctors that I’ve seen here, a grand total of ONE of them has seen me on time (Dr. Dhar, you get a cookie). The others have been late ranging between ten minutes (annoying but understandable) and FOUR HOURS (Needless to say, I’m not gonna be going back to HIM again).

Bastards! All of them!

It is SNOWING. In ATLANTA. In APRIL.

Something is terribly, terribly, wrong with this.

When it rains, it pours.

Now on top of the asinine alcohol legislation, we get a brilliant proposal from a state representative from the last place in Utah that I lived, American Fork.

“Oh, great”, you’re probably thinking. Spin’s pissed off again and in a ranty mood.

YOU’RE FREAKING RIGHT I AM. Get this… this rocket scientist wants to tax caffeine, particularly in cold drinks.

Again, this is a HUGE bleed between Church and State. “Hey, guys! Let’s restrict the rights of others because of something that’s not even WRITTEN in the book of scripture that most of us follow but some say is implied, whether those who don’t believe want it or not!”

Don’t even get me started on the whole Hot Chocolate thing, either. (It’s a sore spot, and one of the things that I struggled with most when I was an active member of the LDS church.)

Every time I read something like this, the more I grow to resent my home.

I remember about ten or so years back when Kellogg’s made a bold decision regarding Pop-Tarts… “Hey, screw it. We’re not even gonna try to be healthy anymore.”

With that decision came new flavors of Pop-Tart to compliment the allegedly healthy Frosted Strawberry et al… Strawberry Milkshake. S’mores. Chocolate chip cookie.

Well, 2009 has rolled around. We’re in dire financial times and we need things to make our fat asses happy, and Pillsbury has just the thing… the Boston Cream Pie Toaster Strudel.

I’ve always preferred Toaster Strudels to Pop-Tarts (really, there’s no comparison) and my heart melted with joy (and collected trans-fats) when I was at Kroger and saw these beauties next to the first sign that the Strudels were gonna go completely “We’re not even trying to be healthy anymore”… the Strawberry and Cream Cheese ones.

I snapped them up like a fat kid buying breakfast pastries (hey, wait) and drove home to see if they were any good.

And boy, were they good. It’s the traditional flaky strudel-y crust that you all know, love, and watch burn in the bottom of your toaster paired with a yellow sugary cream and — this is the best part — they replaced the traditional white frosting with CHOCOLATE.

Yeah… chocolate. I’m gonna let you ruminate on that for a while.

Oh, yeah.

Combined, the flavors create a sensation that can only be described as “the best damn thing that has come out of the toaster since, well, ever”.

You’re damn right I fully endorse this product and am willing to tell you that you don’t really love your kids / significant others / yourselves if you don’t buy these and chow down.

I love my home state of Utah. I love the mountains. I love the lack of humidity. I love some of the places to hang out in Salt Lake. I love my friends. I love the Utah Jazz. I love some of the people.

What I do NOT love, however, were the liquor laws and what I REALLY don’t have any sort of love in my shriveled little heart for are the great bulk of the politicians in Utah.

I was reading the Salt Lake Tribune and saw an article that made me smile– “Private clubs on verge of extinction”.

Y’see, in Utah there are no real bars. Instead, there are private clubs– establishments that anywhere else would be a bar, but in Utah require a membership. If you don’t have a membership, you have to get a sponsorship from someone else. Generally, someone at the bar’s willing to sponsor anyone for a week-long membership… but it’s an additional cost to Utah’s already expensive (and slightly watered down) booze.

The article explains that the clubs would be done away with in favor of an ID scanner. Records would be kept on hand for a week. I’m sure it’ll be expensive for restaurants, but it’s a decent compromise.

I’m also not gonna bitch about the harsher penalties for drunk driving– I’m always in favor of harsh punishments if you’re caught driving under the influence of anything.

However… there’s one provision that is completely and totally illogical.

I shall quote…

New restaurants would need a separate area for mixing drinks, away from the view of children. Existing restaurants would be grandfathered, but might qualify for $30,000 in assistance if they chose to renovate to conceal the mixing of drinks.

What in the blue hell? I read about a stand-alone version of the bill at my good friend Kri5is’s Blog but I didn’t figure that it would get past the Senate. The bastard John Valentine basically forced it into the private club bill. One step forward, two steps back. I’m also going to echo my friend’s concern on this– having to build a separate section is going to KILL the expansion of chain restaurants in Utah… and probably a fair amount of homegrown restaurants, too.

Why is Utah’s legislature trying, yet again, to be the Morality Police? Is it going to RUIN our precious little snowflakes to see someone mixing a martini or pouring a shot? Have parents, in all of these years of NOT having a massive wall protecting us from the evil Alco-Rays, had a child see a bartender mix a Tom Collins and then seen their children come home, find the nearest hobo to buy them a fifth of Baron von Rothschild (vodka proudly distilled in OREGON… probably in a used cast-iron bathtub) and then proceed to get massively hammered? Didn’t think so.

Y’know what I’m gonna do? I’m going to go home after work. I’m going to sit down and crack open a Magic Hat #9 (”Not Quite Pale Ale”) and bask in its malty goodness. Then I’m gonna wait for Kristen to get home and ask her if she wants to go to Taco Mac, where I can get a sammich or some hot wings and enjoy one of 108 beers (and that’s just on tap) without getting hassle from the Morality Po-Po.

Y’all (that’s what they say here) wanna know what’s ridiculous?

How much I have to pay for my damn gas bill.

For the month of February, we owe $154, which is ridiculous as it is.

Now do you want to know what’s REALLY ridiculous?

We owe $154 WHEN THE HIGHEST OUR DAMN THERMOSTAT IS SET TO IS 64 DEGREES.

I used to like Natural Gas, but the next place we move is gonna have electric EVERYTHING.

1. I was briefly the top ranked player on the Playstation 2 version of Risk (until the servers shut down, anyway). Granted, I was one of three ranked people on the damn game, but I’ll ignore that.

2. I can’t live without a phone that has at least a partial QWERTY keyboard (my current phone, a Pearl 8120, has the SureType two-letters-to-a-key keyboard… which works fine). Thing is, I don’t text a ton… I just hate typing with a keypad only.

3. I experienced the worst car accident that I’ve been in when I was in Utah for a funeral. I was renting a Chevy Cobalt and was stopped at a light, minding my own business when WHAM. A seventeen year old chick driving her Mom’s Ford Explorer (white, natch) plowed into the back of the car and smashed the back end in. She was probably doing forty or fifty. Our seats instantly reclined but the airbags didn’t deploy (thankfully). The metal from the trunk was halfway into the trunk cavity.

4. I only need to watch an NFL game live to have attended a live game from each of the four major sports. I’ve seen the Utah Jazz (a few times, and in all of the different uniforms they’ve worn in Utah), Atlanta Braves (versus the Cubs!), and Atlanta Thrashers (versus the Lightning in a completely shitty game) in person. I was going to see a Falcons game this year but my group bailed on me.

5. Speaking of uniforms, I have a mild obsession with sports uniforms. I’m a regular lurker at uniwatchblog.com and have always been intrigued to see the minor (and major!) changes that teams make.

6. I’ve been working Tech Support since my senior year of high school. I’m completely burned out on it and would kill for a change of pace, but I have no idea what I want to do when I “grow up”.

7. I own over 9000 120 board games and expansions. I’m what some of you might call “an addict.”

8. My dad and I retrofitted an old KAOS arcade cabinet into a MAME cabinet— it’s got a 22” CRT monitor in it and arcade joystick controls that interface through a PC’s PS2 port. Attach it to the pld PC that has all of my ROMs and you’re good to go. Sadly, it’s in Las Vegas and it’d run me about $600 to freight it to Atlanta.

9. I used to read a book a week, but I barely read anymore— I started a book that had been sitting on the floor next to my nightstand last month after it sat there for two months.

10. I’m a clean freak, but I have a hard time getting motivated after work and as a result my office (and other parts of the house) look slightly trashed.

11. I HATE hot temperatures. The thermostat in my house tops out at 64 degrees during the winters and goes as low as 58 degrees. I generally only put on a hoodie if the temps are in the low 40s and anything heavier once they’re in the 30s. My girlfriend generally wears a sweatshirt and blankets, but insists on letting me have those temperatures to save on our outrageous gas bills. The downside? I’ve got to compromise on keeping the A/C on, so this summer is gonna BLOW.

12. I have a collection of D&D Miniatures running across the top of my cubicle, Mario on one side, and the Vault-Tec Boy (from Fallout) on the other. There’s a Futurama Art calender attached to one of the (short) walls. I used to have more shit in here, but I took it all out in a mad rage one day when I nearly walked out.

13. Every time I see an Alabama fan, I want to heckle them mercilessly for their loss to the University of Utah. There’s nothing like being away from your home college of choice to build fanboyism.

14. Speaking of fanboyism, I am renouncing right here and right now my status as a drooling Star Wars fanboy. Even though I’m gonna keep my encyclopedic knowledge of the “Extended Universe” all the way up to the Corellian Trilogy, the prequels and other money-making attempts have completely turned me off. I saw a few clips of Clone Wars and nearly vomited. Damn you for ruining my childhood, George Lucas!

15. On the flip side, I’m still gonna be a Trekkie (and FUCK YOU to all of the self-righteous pricks who think that “Trekker” is preferred. The original is still the best) until the day my faith has been shaken so badly that I can’t stand to see a set of Vulcan ears. I’m talkin’ to you, J.J. (Full disclosure: I haven’t watched much Enterprise or Voyager.)

16. I’m somewhat of a T-shirt addict despite the fact that I can’t wear ‘em to work. My latest acquisitions? One with Gir that says “Your intelligence is stupid” on it and two from Diesel Sweeties— one that’s tan with a pixel cassette tape on it (they suggest using a fabric marker to make it a “mix tape”) and one that’s black and says “Someone on Wikipedia loves me.” I don’t get it either, but it makes me laugh.

17. I still meet regularly with friends to play pen-and-paper RPGs. We do D&D, Trinity, Vampire, and other stuff.

18. I’ve had my dog, Max, for more than a year now. He’s still a good boy… mostly. Oh da Max.

19. I can’t swim… or at least not enough that I feel comfortable in water. Which leads to…

20. I’m so nervous in water that I stand up at my full height. Apparently, I’m an inch or so taller when I’m scared.

21. I was once told by no less than Orson Scott Card that one of the core concepts of the YA fantasy novel that I was writing was “brilliant, if a little morbid.” I lost the book in a hard drive crash and the only backup I had was missing over a hundred pages. I’ve given up on trying to write it again.

22. I once spoke to Pamela Anderson (and heard Tommy Lee in the background) while I was working for DirecTV (she was getting an error on one of her recievers). She was very nice but DAMN was there a lot of PPV porn on that account.

23. The longest I have ever gone between haircuts is nine months.

24. There’s only one food that I tend not to eat– melon.

25. The first thing that I do when I enter any building is give it a quick once-over and form an escape plan in case something bad happens.