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Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School by Benjamin Franklin, Edited by Carl Japikse

128 Pages

I’ve been putting off this report for a while and I can’t really even think of why… maybe it’s the fact that I’m ashamed at how far behind I’ve fallen in Project 15K (I’m 342 pages behind Kristen, as you can clearly see at her blog, 15,000 Pages) or maybe it’s the fact that a 128-page book that I took FAR longer to read than anything else on the list (so far).

Franklin is my favorite of the founding fathers (with John Adams and Thomas Jefferson tied for second right behind him) and I was excited to finally read complete essays by him instead of mere quotes pulled from a few of the more famous ones or from Poor Richard’s Almanac.  What I didn’t anticipate, however, is how hard it would be for my mind to adjust from the language that I know and love to Colonial American English.

Turns of phrase that I’m not the most familiar with, bizzare capitalization rules, and having to mentally cross-reference each story with the time period it was written in taxed my brain more than usual.  I was never really able to sit down and read this one like most books.  I figure that because of that and because the essays are self-contained I set my stopping points earlier than normal.

The essays themselves were (for the most part) fantastic, with the opener (“A Letter To A Royal Academy”) setting the tone nicely for what was to follow (and hey, who can resist a good fart joke, am I right?).   Franklin goes from making fun of people who gossip to making damning condemnations of the British Tax Acts to my favorites, the introductions to the first three editions of Poor Richard’s Almanac (in which Poor Richard immediately proclaims himself “friends” with another almanac author but decries the fact that he is near death, and then continues the tale for the next two years claiming that the other almanac’s author “must be an impostor”).  Many made me laugh, and a few actually made me think.
HOWEVER, there was one huge black mark for me in the book… the opening and closing chapters, both written by the editor.  The opener spent a little while talking about how Franklin had quite the bawdy sense of humor and loved stirring up controversy just for the hell of it, and then immediately shifts gears into how modern freedom of the press is freedom in name only, since the only things published are carefully crafted not to step on any toes.  While I agree somewhat that a lot of things that are published are nothing but fluff, I do have to disagree with the editor and say that yes, world-changing articles are still being written.  As for the assertion that the press isn’t free, I’ve got a billion Chinese who want to have a word with you about the lack of a free press.

The final chapter was more infuriating… the whole thing is the editor recounting a dream that he had about Franklin and what Franklin would say about today’s world.  Listen, pal… I bought the book to read Franklin’s essays.  I don’t give a shit what you think that Franklin would say about modern America, and I sure as hell don’t care what you dreamed about.  If you want to bitch about how there’s no freedom of the press, write your own fucking book about it.  Don’t hijack a collection of Ben Franklin’s essays.

My completely arbitrary rating:  A box of Boston Baked Beans, a Yuengling, and Howard Da Silva.

If you’d like to get your own copy of Fart Proudly (and I’m done shilling for other blogs), click here.

Storm Front by Jim Butcher

322 Pages

I know that some of you guys will go “Pshaw, that’s a trashy dime-store novel, it’s way too low-fantasy for me, blah blah blah” when you see this book.  And to those of you who think that:

Shut up, I had fun reading this book!  Don’t you judge me!

This is the first book of the Dresden Files series… the tales of Chicago’s only openly-practicing wizard in a world gone mad world that doesn’t believe much in magic.  In this volume, our protagonist is dealing with someone (or something) that was able to magically tear the hearts of two people out (as well as trying to find a missing husband on the side).

The story isn’t anything revolutionary… standard pulp detective story fare, but the addition of magic made it a bit more interesting.  The book is presented from a first-person perspective (which I like… I’m a sucker for a good first-person narrative) and has plenty of humor, too.  It’s not High Literature, but I don’t care.  I liked it and I’m gonna read more of the Dresden books.

So put that in your pipes and smoke it!

My completely arbitrary rating:  A well-made Gin and Tonic constructed with cheap but decent booze,  five copper 20-sided dice, and the mystery noise coming from right above me.

If you want to buy Storm Front (and, as always, support a blog that I like) click here.

Batman: The Killing Joke written by Alan Moore, illustrated and colored by Brian Bolland

64 pages, 32 eligible for Project 15K

What can I say about The Killing Joke?  It’s truly an iconic comic and Alan Moore’s writing is spot-on.  It gives a fantastic origin story for The Joker, it leads Barbara Gordon’s character on a new (and harrowing) path, and the ending is… interesting, to say the least.

I’m not a comic guy per se (even though I know too much about the storylines thanks to Wikipedia) so I wasn’t aware of Brian Bolland as an artist, but I have to say that his artwork is fantastic.

The preface and endcap (more like a midcap?) were great reading, too.  In short: The Killing Joke is as iconic of a comic as I had been led to believe, and it’s definitely required reading for anyone with an interest in the Batman mythos.

My completely arbitrary rating:  Five boxes of LUX soap, twelve ounces of magenta printer ink, and a musk ox.

If you’d like to snag your own copy of The Killing Joke (and support a blog I like, thewvsr.com), click here.

Blood Feud: Detroit Red Wings V. Colorado Avalanche: The Inside Story of Pro Sports’ Nastiest and Best Rivalry of Its Era by Adrian Dater, Foreword by Scotty Bowman

264 Pages

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m a huge Colorado Avalanche fan.  Of course, if you’re reading this, you probably know that already.

This is actually a book of Kristen’s and not one that I planned on reading when I did, but I grabbed it from the shelf one day to thumb through the first few pages… and ended up parked on the couch all day with the dog on my lap and thoughts of Patrick Roy and Mike Vernon throwing punch after punch at each other.

The book starts with a great introduction from Scotty Bowman, a legend in hockey circles and coach for the Wings throughout much of the heyday of the Avs/Wings rivalry.  The chapters tend to alternate between descriptions and commentary of important moments in the rivalry (starting with the perfectly civil first meeting between the Wings and the Avs, moving on to Claude Lemieux’s punch to Kris Draper, detailing the bulk of the feud, and ending with a reconciliation between Lemieux and McCarty) and biographical chapters focusing on the key players in the feud.

To those of you who are fans of the Wings, I can assure you this… Adrian Dater is not biased, despite his position as the Avalanche beat reporter.  He speaks a lot about his distaste for homerism and honestly, he writes more negative things about the Avs than the Wings in the book (although there’s plenty of snark to spread around between both organizations).

The book reads well and is full of stuff that I’d never heard before (the Wings taunts and vows of bloody vengeance from the team bus after the Draper incident and some of the stuff that Patrick Roy did in particular jumped out at me) and I left it wanting to relive some of the games that it talked about.  Thank the deity or deities of your choice for YouTube.  I’ll definitely read it again.

My completely arbitrary rating:  A finely aged steak, an ergonomic keyboard, Joe Sackic’s leadership style, and the warm feeling in my heart when I look at the Western Conference standings and see the Wings in 9th place.

(Damn, I thought I could get through this without taking a potshot at the Dead Wings.  So close yet so far.)

To purchase Blood Feud (and throw a few bucks toward a blog I like, thewvsr.com), click here.

Wrestlecrap: The Very Worst of Pro Wrestling by R.D. Reynolds and Randy Baer, Introduction by John Tenta

Pages: 160 UPDATE:  I double-checked and it turns out I DIDN’T read this one before the New Year.  I’m removing the 160 pages from my total.  Damn!

I picked up WrestleCrap after seeing it at a local used bookstore (Book Nook, for those of you in the Atlanta metro area) for a few bucks.  I will admit that I was sort of excited to read this as I tend to like the worst that ‘rasslin offers (at least the stuff from the 80’s, anyway) and I found the book to be… well, sort of interesting.

I was expecting the book to be more of an alphebetized rundown of the worst gimmicks but it’s really more of a chronological rundown of wrestling gimmicks up to 2002-ish.

Some of the old gimmicks that I’d never heard about amused me (Cheatum the one-eyed midget?) and I learned… well, a little.

The book does tend to go off on tangents – there’s an entire chapter devoted to Hulk Hogan’s horrible movies – and a few potshots that I really didn’t figure were necessary.  It half-seems like the author(s) had a personal grudge against some of the people they were writing about.

It wasn’t a great book by any means and I doubt I’ll read it again, but it served the purpose of amusing me for a day.
My final arbitrary rating:   Three stalks of celery, an empty tin of Creme de Menthe Altoids, and the German cast of “Cats”.

If you want to buy WrestleCrap (and support a blog that I read, http://thewvsr.com), click here.

I’ve noticed that I don’t read nearly as much as I used to… or ought to. I’m going to change that this year, and I’m not gonna call it a resolution or anything like that… I’m calling it…

A CHALLENGE.

The challenge: Read 15,000 pages this year. The secondary challenge: since Kristen is also attempting to read 15,000 pages (you can view her progress at 15,000 Pages) and of course I have to prove that I’m AWESOME, so that means that I’ve got to read more pages than she does.

I know, I’m an over-competitive bastard. Kill me.

Regardless, everything that’s part of the new Project 15K category (if you’re reading this on killitwithfire.org) or prefaced with Project 15K (if you’re seeing this on Ye Olde Facebook) is going to be about the latest book I’ve read.

Here are the rules:

— Graphic novels are worth half of their total pages (with exceptions being determined by mutual agreement between Kristen and I). If I decide to read Watchmen, I only get to count 208 of the book’s 416 pages. They’re not necessarily inferior to traditional books, but the pictures make it a little less fair to count the whole thing.

— No repeats. This isn’t “The Year I Read It Fifteen Times Just to Reach the Goal”.

— Diversify. I love my Pratchett, bad Sci-Fi, and Fantasy, but I’m going to try to fit more of the classics in there somewhere, and some more of the mysteries that Kristen loves so much, and…

— Actually read recommendations. Kristen is always trying to cajole me to read stuff (as are my friends) and instead of saying “OK, I’ll put it on my list” I’ll ACTUALLY WRITE A LIST, PUT THE BOOK ON IT, AND READ IT. A novel concept, I know.

(I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. That was turrable.)

Also, if you guys want to pledge money for each page I read, I’ll surely spend it all when I go to Vegas put it toward a good cause of some type. No arguments from me.

So: The Project begins.  I’ll make a post for the three books that I’ve already read this year.

Wish me luck.

I keep on wanting to write something, but have no idea what I want to write.

I keep on intending to do laundry but never get to it.

I keep on planning to quit eating s’damn much food when I go out but I always forget that when a plate’s in front of me.

I keep on wondering what I’m going to do with my life, but I maintain the status quo.

You know what they say… the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Last night, I dragged Kristen out to get Star Trek at midnight (the Blu-Ray edition, naturally). The only nearby places that would have it were two different Wal-Marts (I refuse to use the new “Walmart” spelling, screw those guys) and I needed to get my Nerd Fix.

Wal-Mart Numero Uno was a bust. Even though I had been assured multiple times on the phone that they’d have Blu-Ray copies out for purchase at midnight, the display only had DVDs and the jagoff that worked there (a gentleman sporting a nametag that simply said “Mr D”, lack of period and additional spaces intentional) obviously didn’t know the difference between a Blu-Ray, a DVD, or probably his ass from a hole in the ground. He said that he’d “Go in back and look”, was gone for way too long, and came back saying “Nope.”

We left despairing and planning on just going back home but the pull of J.J. Abram’s masterpiece was too much and we ended up going to the Wal-Mart by Kristen’s work. The electronics guy there knew what he was doing, looked in a few boxes until he found a copy, and gladly accepted my $20 for it.

We ended up staying up until 4:00 AM watching it, and I still enjoyed it. Kristen still liked it too, but not as much (she thinks it’s because she knew what was going to happen). Of course, staying up late = me dragging ass today, but that’s life, isn’t it?

I know, I know. I don’t post enough… and when I do, it’s either a meme, anger, or memorial to one of my old dogs.

I want to change that. Twitter is all well and good (and if you’re not following me on there, why aren’t you?) but sometimes I just ache for more than the confines of 140 characters.

Work… is work. I’m doing a lot of training stuff and HOPEFULLY people appreciate what I’m doing, but if you’ve read my journal we all know what that’s gonna amount to.

As for the house, I still love it. It’s not without its flaws, but every issue we’ve had with the house has been correctable. We’ve painted the downstairs bathroom a lovely shade of lavender (I fought it at first, but ended up liking it after it was done) and the back wall of our bedroom a deep burgundy (“Tuscan Russet” was the color’s name, but it’s burgundy, dammit) . We also realized (late last night) that it makes a lot more sense to put our board games in the office and the guest bed in the craft room rather than the other way round since the office is, for all intents and purposes, a little kid’s bedroom with a bitchin’ computer in it.

Money is, as usual, still an issue. We have our heads above water and we’re hoping for a second straight month of not putting ANYTHING on the credit cards, but we’re off to a rough start this month (in a nutshell: direct deposit issues, things autodrawing at weird times, and slight bugetary misappropriation). Still, this is the first month on our revised and updated budget so growing pains are to be expected.

Kristen is still my life. Without her, I’m just another Angry Fat Guy, but with her I’m a far-less Angry Fat Guy with an amazing girlfriend! (Seriously, though… words can’t describe how awesome Kristen is. Everyone should have a Kristen but I’ll fuck you up if you try stealing mine.)

I need to get Max’s shorts and I plan on doing that ASAP. He’s still MOSTLY a Good Boy™ and the only things he chews up anymore are bits of paper that he finds (the sound you hear is me knocking on wood that it stays that way).